In less than a day, the Senior pastor and founder of the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA), Biodun Fatoyinbo went from being a celebrated ‘man of God’ to disgraced outcast and tagged a r@p!st by so many Nigerians and it became imperative to talk about why his wife is still and might remain quiet on the very controversial issue.

The internet went into a frenzy on June 28, 2019 when the wife of soul singer, Timi Dakolo, Busola, had alleged that she was r@p&d as a teenager by the flamboyant Abuja based pastor. According to her, she was a 16-year-old in the Divine Delight Club at Ilorin, kwara State; the precursor to Fatoyinbo’s Commonwealth of Zion Assembly when she was groomed and r@p&d by the him.

Dakolo explained that as a member of the church, she was r@p&d at two different times in a week by the pastor, adding that she lost her virginity to him before she turned 18. She alleged that the pastor r@p&d her for the first time at her parent’s home and at another time in a secluded road path. Although the ‘man of God’ has come out with a statement to disprove the accusations laid against, more and more victims are coming out to corroborate the claim.

That leads to a very vital point: there is an iota of truth in all these cases. It is easy to feel overwhelmed by the seeming omnipresence of a ‘man of God’ who allegedly abused a lot of ladies and significant others. Yet it wasn’t just the man who fueled the despair: everywhere you looked, it seemed as though there were women — often outspoken, accomplished, feminist women — lining up to support and defend the man who’d been accused of abuse.

Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo holds a church with congregation of several thousands of people, and has several worship centres in neighbouring states. At least twice as many people as the number of COZA congregation is believed to listen to his sermons all over the world, including countries like the United States of America, Mexico, and neighbouring African countries.

COZA started out as a Non Governmental Organization (NGO) in Ilorin, Kwara State in 1999 with a very small congregation but has since grown into a megachurch with over 20,000 members and an ever increasing online fellowship. It has only five branches and four ordained  full time pastors which is surprising considering the pedigree of the church. Ilorin branch started in 1999, Abuja in 2008, Lagos in 2012, Port Harcourt in 2016 and Dubai  in 2017.

Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo lives a luxury lifestyle and his church is one that celebrates youths. The church is comfortable with christian songs with with secular undertones. The church feels the members are supposed to have fun in church and not get bored. He mans the headquarters of COZA in Abuja alongside his wife, Pastor Modele Fatoyinbo who is popularly called Mummy D. Their marriage is blessed with four children.

She is a prolific preacher of the gospel and a writer of word based books. She is as fashionable as she is spiritual, maintaining a balanced Christian life. Pastor Modele’s love for God and passion for exceptional Christian living is undebatable. She hosts an annual outreach known as “The Woman of Colour Conference”, through which she has touched the lives of several women across ages.

She is not just a preacher’s wife, but a preacher married to a preacher. Her platform of influence extends beyond the pulpit as she also communicates divine wisdom through her writings. It sure takes an exceptional dose of grace to combine the roles of a pastor, intercessor, wife, mother, author, and counselor. Pastor Modele is all these and more, just in one package – a truly peculiar treasure.

There is a fear from some Nigerians that Modele is aware of her husband’s deeds. The question on their minds is: why would she not speak out or leave? And as much as one wishes there was an easy answer here, there isn’t. Being in a relationship with someone accused of abuse is traumatising; it also leaves you confused and shaken. Perhaps she had never thought that the person she loved could harm her in such a way. And this is part of the problem. As is the shame.

She might not speak up or leave because of it. She might be completely hard on and blame herself and come up with scenarios on what she could’ve done to prevent it from happening, to make everything stop. She might struggle to articulate her hurt. But there is a reckoning that hasn’t yet happened and that’s with women, who use their bodies and social positions as wives and mothers to mediate how monsters in the society are handled and it’s one women have been playing for years. In other places too, women have been laying down their bodies and reputations to protect men from their actions.

She could also be keeping mute on the matter because deep down, she like ‘bad boys’. It’s been said that ladies are attracted to bad boys. But truth is, no lady wants a man who will hurt her; no lady wants a man who is a womanizer, a liar, selfish, cold or unfaithful. The “bad” that ladies are often attracted to is not bad when it comes to character but “bad” in style and personality- a man who is loyal and loving to the woman but has a strong and almost care free personality, a man who is exciting and nicely dangerous; who brings the good kind of drama and makes her blood run. One who takes risks.

It could also be because he is an abusive husband. When you’re in an abusive relationship, defending shitty men becomes second nature. It is, quite literally, a survival strategy. Admitting to yourself that you’re partnered with an abuser can be a terrifying task, so your brain finds ways to justify all the horrible abuse you’re subjected to. Your partner isn’t cruel, he just loves you enough to be brutally honest; he didn’t lie to you, you just must have misunderstood what he meant. The more horrific your partner’s actions become, the more imperative it feels to normalize them — and the justifications become so second nature that it’s easy to extend them to your partner’s behavior with other people.

Maybe she is scared to admit to herself that her husband’s actions towards these women were wrong and that it could open up a whole Pandora’s box of horrific revelations that she might not be ready to confront. It may be easier to tell herself that it was normal for her partner to secretly sleep with other ladies, because to acknowledge that she had signed a lease with the kind of monster who’d do that meant coming to terms with the reality that she’d trapped herself in a nightmare relationship.

Why do women protect, defend, and support terrible men? Is it because it is easier to make excuses for the men in their lives than to admit they’d bedded and befriended people with truly horrific attitudes towards women? Or is it because theri parents once told them to always support their husbands no matter what? Parents need to stop giving their daughters fatal false hopes that protecting a man’s feelings before their own will protect them.

The truth is Modele needs to know that there is a lot at stake in this dicey situation ― jobs, family, marriage, money. But when she shores up patriarchy with her silence or, worse, actively support it with her body and status, she is actively destroying the lives of others. She needs to speak up!

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